HUMILITY

I spent 4 days in silence in November. Every year, I make it a priority to attend this spiritually lead silent retreat. I typically go without much thought as to what I’m looking for. But this year I knew I just wanted the world to quiet down for a minute so I could hear my own thoughts. 

The word that kept coming up for me? Busyness. I knew I had spiraled a bit when it came to slowing down my thoughts. I was living in an anxiety motivated world for a little bit, but I found that I began to wear that as a badge of honor as opposed to recognizing it as an unhealthy way of coping. After all, I was productive and so many of us find our worth in our productivity. (Can you sense the sarcasm? I hope.)

I came to terms that I had been spending too much time on social media. It tends to be a bit of a habit for most of us to scroll in order to numb. It was the only way I could tangibly quiet the world down a little bit, but the consequence is all that I would consume.

Before you know it, you’re pissed off and hate your porch because you saw someone (you don’t even know) on Instagram post a picture of their new porch. This shit ADDS UP. Most of the time we don’t even realize how many shame messages are processed and stored incorrectly as fact. It takes a pretty solid amount of awareness to recognize when we are out of balance. It takes courage to actually face those things which have thrown us off. 

So what is my social media presence about? Is it that I want to prove myself? Do I need external validation? Or do I truly feel like my insight somehow adds value to the world? Ahh..humility. 

This created a giant pause for me. I spent a few months really getting curious about this idea of who I portray myself to be. Do I strive to create my life around this image? Or do I let my life create the image? What do you do?

I’m settling back into what feels like my home base, but I think it’s worth mentioning the process. I’m still not entirely sure that I have landed among an epiphany of sorts, but that’s not really what it’s about. I think it’s about navigating a journey as far as it can take you & then jumping on the next one before really articulating what you learned. 

Thanks for processing with me.